


even my girlfriend thinks i'm gay

by superfecta



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Coming Out, Humor, Kind of a family fic, Multi, Noodle is gay, everything escalates, my first fic lmao sorry, noodle and her older brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 11:30:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12011808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superfecta/pseuds/superfecta
Summary: "Right." Noodle set her coffee mug down firmly. "I've got something to say.""...Are you pregnant?" Murdoc asked, and then dodged a swipe from Russel with the newspaper.or: how noodle's coming-out wasn't quite what she expected





	even my girlfriend thinks i'm gay

“Right.” Noodle set her coffee mug down firmly. “I’ve got something to say.”

Across the table, Russel and Murdoc looked up from their paper or mug. The Spirit House was quiet, for once; the whole band had turned in early the night before, there were no obligations for today, and even the spirits that gave the place it name seemed to like sleeping in. If it stayed this quiet any longer, they’d be giving Stu a run for his money as the champion late-sleeper of the house- there hadn’t been sight of him all morning.

That was fine, Noodle decided. She needed to do this before she chickened out. She could tell him later.

“…Are you pregnant?” Murdoc asked at last, and then dodged a swipe from Russel with the newspaper. “What!”

“Let her talk,” Russel said, before turning towards Noodle again, the old ‘I’m your big brother who do I need to beat up’ look in his eye. “Are you okay, though? I thought you’ve been kinda quiet lately-”

“No,” Noodle said. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I just wanted to say…something that I’ve known for a while.”

“You are pregnant,” Russel said in horror, and Noodle tossed her hands up in the air.

“No, I’m not pregnant!”

“You owe someone money, then?” Murdoc said, and dodged another swat from Russel. “Fuck off, Russ.”

“No, I don’t owe-” Noodle started, but was interrupted again by Russel.

“Was it something someone did? What happened-”

“You stole something, right?”

“Guys, no, I’m-”

“Noodle, love, jokes aside, are you okay, because-”

“-can tell us anything, right? We can help-”

“Guys!” Noodle shouted, slamming her hands down on the table. “I’m gay!”

A moment of absolute, complete silence. Noodle could hear her heart thumping loudly in her chest, and somewhere outside the house, bids chirping, blissfully unaware. Both of them stared at her with wide eyes. Then:

“You’re what?” Murdoc asked incredulously. “A what?”

“I’m a lesbian,” she said again, and it felt good to say it out loud. “I date women.”

“I know what it bloody is,” Murdoc said, annoyed. “But I don’t understand why you’re telling us this.”

“Because it’s a big part of who she is and she wants to make it known,” Russel said, sounding hurt. “I get it, Noodle. This is an important thing to say out loud, and I’m glad you decided to share it with-”

“Now hang on,” Murdoc interrupted. “I’m not done. I know it’s important. I just don’t know why Noodle needed to announce it.”

“Because it takes a lot of self-reflection, dumbass, and-”

“Calm down, Russ, I’m not trying to say it’s not.” Murdoc squinted at Noodle across the table. “I just don’t know why she needs to tell us-”

“Murdoc-”

“-When we’ve known it for years already.”

There was another moment of silence, if possible even more astonished than the first. This time it was Noodle who broke it first:

“You already….knew?”

“O’ course I knew,” Murdoc said. “I just about fucking raised you, didn’t I? I saw it coming a long ways off. I thought you knew it, too,” he directed at Russel, who was sitting just about as dumbfounded as Noodle.

“No?” Russel said. “I thought she still had a crush on Jesse McCartney?”

“When did I have a crush on Jesse McCartney?” Noodle said, slightly hysterically.

“You know!” Russel waved his hand vaguely. “A while ago! Everyone had a crush on Jesse McCartney, it was the early two thousands!”

“Russ, man, you’ve got to be kidding me here,” Murdoc said, sounding delighted. “You had absolutely no idea?”

“He shouldn’t have! I didn’t tell anyone!” Noodle turned suddenly to Murdoc. “How did you know?” He grinned as he leaned back in his chair.

“You were, what, thirteen? Fourteen at the very most. During Demon Days.You met Roses Gabor when we were recording the tracks for Dare, and you were practically trailing after her like a puppy dog.” He sniffed. “That was my first clue.”

“Alright, so my crush on Roses was huge,” Noodle admitted. “But I still thought Russ would’ve caught on sooner. Especially after everything with you and Del.”

“What?” Murdoc and Russel said simultaneously, immediately followed by both of them talking over the top of one another.

“You and Del-”

“”You didn’t know-”

“-were dating?”

“-we were dating?”

“No!” Murdoc exploded. He tossed his hands in the air. “How was I supposed to know about your love life!”

“I called him my soulmate all the time!” Russel yelled back. “Murdoc, you worked with both of us for an entire album!”

“I thought you were just really great mates!”

“Really great mates that lived together?”

“Maybe it was for tax purposes!”

“Oh my god!” Russel put his face in his hands. “I give up.”

“Look, don’t go blaming me,” Murdoc said. “I guess my gaydar only stretches to lesbians with bad dancing skills.”

“What the fuck,” Noodle said from her seat.

“Sorry, deary. But my point stands.” He stood and stretched.

“Well, I’m going to be honest,” Noodle said. ‘This went both better and worse that I expected it to be.”

“To be far,” Russel offered, lifting his head out of his hands. “You did grow up with us. Should’ve expected more.”

“True.” She finished her coffee.

“Oi,” Murdoc said from the sink. “I just realized that Noodle and I can go pick up birds together now that it’s official.”

“Are you goddamn serious?” Russel said hopelessly

“Let’s hit Kabukicho while we’re on tour,” Noodle added, grinning.

“Sweet Satan, of course.”

“Oh my god,” Russel said again, and Noodle got up out of her seat.

“Sorry, Russ,” she said, bending to hug him. “Thank you, though. I really mean it. It means a lot that you’re here for me, even if I’m not a little kid anymore.” Russel peered up at her and smiled. Noodle smiled back.

“Uh,” Stu said from the doorway, blinking blearily at the rest the band. “What’s happening, what’d I miss?

“Noodle’s a lesbian,” Murdoc said with his head in the fridge, pulling out a package of bacon. “Breakfast?”

“Lesbian?” Stu looked from Noodle to Murdoc to Russel, and back again. You could practically hear the gears in his brain turning. “I thought you were Japanese, not lesbian?”

Russel groaned again. Murdoc sighed.

From the table, Noodle laughed.

**Author's Note:**

> I've looked at this so long I'm sick of looking at it, so here goes nothing!
> 
> ((Credit to qorillas on tumblr for the ending there, and Bo Burnham for the title!))


End file.
